It Makes No F’n Sense

If it makes no f’n sense, then it belongs in pro wrestling.


You know, the things that make you scratch your head. The things that, after thinking them through, you feel insulted to be a wrestling fan. Well, we want to list them all here in case we ever have the urge to get a headache.

If you’d like to share something that makes no sense, please contact us and we may post your entry here.


Hit the Music

How is it that every time someone does a run-in, or every time someone comes out to respond to a promo, his/her entrance music comes on?

How does the guy in the truck know that Batista is going to save Ric Flair? Is there some magic button they hit on the way out that turns the music on?

Or does Batista stop by the truck first and say, “Hey guys, I’m gonna save Ric, hit my music.” If so, then remind me never to hire a wrestler to save me from a fight, beatdown, fire, or earthquake. If Ric is getting his jumped in the ring, Batista should save Ric first and not worry about his stupid music.

Does each wrestler carry a remote control, allowing them to press a button to hit their music if they decide to run in or interrupt an interview? Is there a switchboard before the curtain where you can hit your music before walking through?

Why can’t guys just do a run-in without their music? It seems more real, and the fans will still pop. When Foley won the WWF title for the first time, Austin made the save and his music did hit. The crowd went ape sh*t. If done only in certain situations, sporadically, it works. And even then, it makes no f’n sense. But every damn week?

A good example was when Paul Heyman was giving a promo with Brock Lesnar standing right next to him, not long after the Raw/Smackdown split in 2016. Randy Orton came from behind and RKO’d him. No music. No long run down the ramp. And best of all, even the cameras didn’t anticipate it, so the viewer at home didn’t see it coming. THAT is how every run-in should be done.

Infidelity

Why did fans chant “You screwed Matt” at Lita and Edge? Yes, they screwed Matt, but pretty much every wrestler has screwed with someone else. Vince screwed Linda by cheating on her for so many damn years. Why does no one chant “You screwed Linda” at Vince?

We won’t even publish other stories we happen to know, but cheating on your spouse is commonplace in wrestling. Ric Flair has admitted it. But he’s treated like a God. Why not chant “You screwed Beth” at him? When Sting became a born again Christian, he reportedly ratted out Lex Luger to his wife. Lo and behold, Lex got a divorce and shacked up with Liz. Shane Douglas admitted in interviews that Dusty would screw women in the locker room in WCW. John Cena has admitted to sleeping around on the road, often with two women at once.

You’re gonna tell me all those groupies are single? Hell no. Chances are, at least one was married or had a boyfriend. I’m sure many of them were nice guys, like Matt is. So why don’t we chant at Cena?

Have we all forgotten the Woman/Kevin Sullivan/Chris Benoit love triangle? The examples are endless. Yet we all focus on Lita and Edge. It makes no f’n sense.

DDP

Everyone rags on DDP for wanting to script out his matches, move by move. He can’t “wing it,” so they say.
That may be true, but then why are wrestlers forced to give scripted promos? Why is it looked down upon to “wing it” in promos and go against the script, but it’s okay to wing it in matches? What’s the difference?

Other people trash DDP for being a “self promoter.” Well yeah, isn’t that the point of a pro wrestler? Especially one who has a business to run? It really doesn’t matter what DDP’s reasons are for helping Jake Roberts and Scott Hall. The fact is, he helped them. That’s more than any of DDP’s critics can say. And it’s not like DDP didn’t care for Roberts or Hall, as both were instrumental in helping him in his career and he’s returning the favor.

You know, like good karma. Something that should be celebrated. Instead, DDP actually has people trashing him for helping other people. People applauded WWE, rightly so, when they offered free substance abuse counseling for all past employees. How was that any different than what DDP did? WWE may have done it for public relations purposes, but again, what does it matter as long as it’s helping people?

DDP did make a movie out of his work with Roberts and Hall, but it was done with their consent. And given how successful that film has been on Netflix, it has only helped the careers of both as they continue on the indie circuit and working fan conventions.

Kudos to DDP, a true hard worker who earned everything he has. It’s true he used his connections to make it to the top, but that’s what everyone is supposed to do, and it’s not like he didn’t work his ass off to become a better performer, a better promo, and say what you will, but he was very over when he rose to the top.

Ref Bumps

Amazing how, after all these years, with all these ref bumps, that a wrestling company wouldn’t insist on having a second referee ready, willing, and able to come in just in case the first ref is hurt.

There’s always a back-up for something. If the lights go out, there are emergency lights and candles. If the President gets shot, there’s the Vice President. If an Olympian gets hurt, there’s always an alternate. But if one ref goes down, even with a million refs backstage, no one ever runs in. Well, sometimes they do, but only if it fits into the storyline.

And if reffing is so hard, why are people brought in off the streets as “guest” refs? Shawn Michaels, Mike Tyson, James Douglas, Mr. T, Tito Ortiz, Jesse Ventura, Ole Anderson, Vince Russo, and seemingly everyone in the world has been a guest referee. Does this job require no training?? What a slap in the face to the Hebner twins.

Also, why are all referees made out to be hemophiliacs, where accidentally being caught in the turnbuckle between an Irish whip and a wrestler temporarily puts you in a coma? And when in said coma, notice how they always seem to wake up just before the finish when a wrestler is covering his opponent?

#1 Contender

What constitutes who gets a title shot? Christian loses every week, but he was granted a shot against Batista. Edge won a Money in the Bank match, AND he won the Raw tourney to get a shot at Batista. But Mohammed Hassan goes undefeated, and gets no shot.

What about Shelton Benjamin? As the I-C champ, shouldn’t he have been #1 contender automatically? Where is the Top 10? WCW had one in the early 90s, even though it made no sense. But this makes no f’n sense either.

Standing in Place

When Undertaker does the tight rope walk, why doesn’t his opponent just knock him off? He always stands there like an idiot, waiting to get hit.

Whenever a wrestler comes off the top rope with a flying body press, his opponent just stands there, waiting forever to get landed on. Few things look so incredibly stupid.

Or how about before a wrestler does a dive out of the ring? His opponent just stands there waiting for him, instead of just moving six inches to the left or right.

If I’m ever being charged at by someone, run after by someone, or someone is jumping off an object to hit me, and I’m looking at them do it, I’m going to f’n move out of the way. You would too. But not wrestlers. It makes no f’n sense.

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